Breast Wasn’t Best For Us

I wanted to breastfeed. I really, truly did. I was so committed to the decision to breastfeed, that I made nipple balm, bought a manual breast pump (so Allyn could bond with pumpkin) with storage bags, and added several nursing bras, some nursing shirts, two nursing covers, a nursing gown, and a new, light robe. I was completely sold on the dream of a loving, holistic, spiritual bond between my daughter and I as I feed her nutrient-dense, antibody primed, perfect temperature (and most importantly, free) milk from my body. I could practically feel the generations and generations of women that we hailed from lending me their strength and courage, I could hear positive and ferocious mantras in my heart;

I am woman! I am amazing! I can create and carry life!! I can feed another person with my body!!

And then Pumpkin arrived, in all her beautiful glory. She is amazing, and lovely and perfect, and has a tongue-tie. Not that was knew that at first- at first we thought she was just a sleepy baby (which she was). With all the Pitocin and Fentanyl they gave me, it made sense that she would be loopy. So when she didn’t latch immediately after birth, the nurses told me to just keep trying. They helped me try new ways of holding her, helped me align my breasts better, sometimes they even shoved my breast into her mouth for me. I met with a lactation consultant who told me that my nipples were too small, to use the areola to guide her to the milk, and gave me a nipple shield. Still nothing. She’d rarely latch, and when she did, it’d only be for a few seconds before she’d come off the breast.

I am woman, and I’m failing to feed my child.

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Homemade Breast and Belly Balm

For a natural, and affordable, option for sore nipples or itchy belly.

All ingredients are safe for both mother and baby.

Breast and Belly Balm:

In a cleaned and sanitized mason jar:

Pour coconut oil to 1/3 of the jar. Coconut oil has a low melting point, and while solid in the jar, will melt with the heat of your hands.

Pour 1/5 of the jar worth of jojoba oil. Jojoba oil is a great moisturizer for dry and sensitive skin due to it’s hypo-allergenic & anti-inflammatory benefits. Jojoba is safe for use on nipples, as it is non-toxic to babies.

Pour in 6-9 drops of lavender oil. Lavender is a calming scent and safe for use.

Pour in 3-6 drops of orange or sweet orange oil..

Pour in 1-3 drops of tea tree oil. This is largely optional as I personally prefer the smell of tea tree- I find it quite calming.

Homemade Heartburn Relief

Heartburn and acid reflux is a very normal part of pregnancy. Almost every woman experiences heartburn at the very end of their pregnancy, although some women experience longer and stronger than others.

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Weird Day

Today was not a great day, but it was okay.

This morning, Allyn and I went to my 28 week appointment. Allyn tries to make it to every appointment, but it doesn’t always work out. However, this morning, everything was working out marvelously. It even snowed last night! Allyn hates snow, but I absolutely love it. Unfortunately, it hasn’t snowed much this season- we’re looking at a not-so-white Christmas this year. As such, the sight of a light dusting of snow this morning made me very giddy. The meteorologist said that it won’t accumulate at all, so I needed to enjoy it before the sun had a chance to melt it all. Allyn and I pile into the car, he with coffee and a cookie, and myself with neither- as I had my glucose screening coming. We cleared the snow off the car by hand, because we couldn’t find the ice scraper, not that it’d matter much soon.





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Marriage is Weird

Greetings my dears!

Let’s talk about marriage. As an institution and a life path, marriage is wonderful.

Marriage, in it’s purest form, is the columniation of love and support, and is the shout-it-from-the-rooftops loud declaration to the government, and to the world, that you have decided that THIS one person is THE person you’re going to stick with the rest of your lives. It is the final stage of dating, and is a very real “leveling up” of your life, your future, and your taxes. Which is beautiful.

And honestly, you may find the one person you want to share tax returns with, after second or third (or n-th) time. That’s beautiful too.

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Dear Weird Child,

I understand that you don’t know much of life yet, being less than half-baked inside my uterus. You haven’t had your first love yet, haven’t met their parents, or even your parents. Your father and I don’t yet know what color-coded stereotype you will be thrust into, but we do know, that you will be weird.

It’s inevitable. You’re going to be weird. There’s truly no hope for you.

Continue reading Dear Weird Child,